


Belated Valentine’s Day: A Yugi and Mai story

by LapisDidNOTHINGwrong101



Category: Yugioh
Genre: Comedy, Crack, F/M, Humor, I dedicate this to little Kuriboh, Romance, Swearing, Yugi Mutou - Freeform, mai valentine - Freeform, yu-go-oh!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:21:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26037826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LapisDidNOTHINGwrong101/pseuds/LapisDidNOTHINGwrong101
Summary: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. One month after a terrible Valentine's Day, Yugi has a chance meeting with Mai to find out her V-Day was terrible as well. With their other friends having moved, the two duelists seek each for more than just card games. (Yugi x Mai) Contains Language, Nudity and other themes.I dedicate this to Little Kuriboh.
Relationships: Kujaku Mai | Mai Valentine & Mutou Yuugi
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!. Random story idea I came up with yesterday about Yugi and Mai having really bad V-days, feel free to review and enjoy.

I dedicate this to To Little Kuriboh.

Belated V-Day

Chapter 1: Bad News

Yugi found a way to separate himself and Yami from each other so they could be two separate entities. The two of them were like brothers: they would do all sorts of stuff like eating ice-cream w/ bacon on top, play video games, watch Kaiju films, listen to Grove Metal and bash shitty knock-off shows like GX and 5D's to name a few.

*Valentine's Day, Tea's apartment*

In other news, Yugi purchased a rather expensive box of chocolates and brought them to Tea's house. But as she welcomed the young Egyptian inside, she gave him some big news.

"YOU'RE MOVING!?" Yugi asked all confused while holding the expensive box of chocolate he had gotten for Tea.

"Yeah I got a job as a table dancer in New York City, I'm moving in a few days!" Tea said while smiling.

"But-but-but-but-but….." Yugi kept tripping, his grip on the chocolate box grew weak.

(Notices the chocolate) "Oh….yeah, sorry Yugi look: you're loyal, kind, smart, brave, funny and wonderful but…to be brutally honest…..I see you as a friend if not a brother." Tea admitted.

Yugi felt like his heart had been ripped out by an Aztec priest in Central America.

"F-f-f-f-f-f-friend?" Yugi said as he dropped the chocolate box while trying not to cry.

"Yugi, being friends is still a wonderful thing, I can't go one episode without a friendship speech. Here…" Tea was about to give a speech.

"Please Tea…..I've memorized all your speeches." Yugi admitted.

"Oh…okay then. Plus, even if I did see you more than a friend, I'd see you as a best friend, and even if I saw you as something more than that well….I already have a boyfriend. Don't worry: I'll be sure to write and send you photos just not the ones of me dancing because those are for my boyfriend! Happy Valentine's Day!" Tea said as she smiled and gave Yugi a hug.

Yugi couldn't help but to hug back, smell her perfume, feel her hug, and body heat, but he knew then and there that he'd never be able to have her, let alone reach 1st base.

(Sigh) "Thanks Tea…..I guess friendship is all one needs on Valentine's Day." Yugi said as he tried to remain positive.

Collecting himself, Yugi said "Farewell", opened the front door, only to find someone was waiting for Tea outside. That someone was Yami who was holding a dozen roses, chocolate and what looked like a box containing an engagement ring.

(Doesn't notice Yugi at first due to his size) "S'up Tea baby! A few more days from now, you and I will rule New York…..(sees Yugi)…oh….. well um…this is quite awkward." Yami admitted.

Yugi wanted to go all Red Army on Yami and Tea's asses.

"ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?! WE'VE BEEN BEST FRIENDS SINCE SEASON 0 AND YOU TAKE THE ONE GIRL I LOVED MORE THAN THE WHOLE GODDAMN WORLD!? THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT SOMEONE WHO FREED YOU FROM THAT SHITTY-ASS EGYPTIAN PUZZLE?! WHAT IN THE UNHOLY MOTHER OF FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF YOU BACK-STABBING, GIRL-STEALING, JERK-FACE?!" Yugi roared.

"Well to be honest, Tea and I have more in common and didn't want to tell you right away because you'd freak out." Yami answered.

"Yugi…." Tea tried to explain.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING "Yugi" ME! IF TURNING ME DOWN FOR MY BEST FRIEND IS WHAT YOU CALL "friendship" THEN FUCK YOU TEA, FUCK YOU YAMI, FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF…..(looks at Yami and Tea while giving them each a middle finger)FUCK OUR FRIENDSHIPS!" Yugi declared with tears streaming down his enraged face as he stormed out of Tea's apartment while slamming the door, only for him to return 3 seconds later for the chocolate he dropped saying "AND I'M TAKING THESE EXPENSIVE CHOCOLATES BACK!" then he went out and left for good while slamming the door one final time.

*Candy Store*

Despite having a receipt, the chocolate store owner couldn't give a refund because the box was slightly damaged but in reality it was due to the fact the manager owed money to the mob and couldn't afford to lose any cash. So Yugi walked home with the now worthless, expensive chocolate box as it started to downpour.

*Game Kame*

Using a spare key under his doormat, Yugi unlocked the back Game Kame door and walked in. His Grandpa was out clubbing with some ladies at the nearby retirement home (I'll leave it up to you guys if the women were elderly or young nurses or both) his Dad was eaten by a Black Ghost while on a business trip to Lavender Town in the Kanto region several years ago and his Mom was at a "Woman's Book Club Valentine's Day Slumber Party."

Changing into some new clothes, Yugi grabbed the chocolates, went to his room, locked the door and tore up every picture he had of Tea. As he dimmed the lights, his plan was to dance with Tea in his room as Lionel Richie's "Hello" played in the background. But since Yugi was friend-zoned, he played a two-hour loop of Elfen Lied's "Lilium", stripped down to his G1 Power-Ranger underwear, laid down on the floor, curled up in fetal position, and ate the chocolates while sobbing. Needless to say, Valentine's Day really sucked for our hero but as it turns out, someone else was also having a very shitty Valentine's Day.

*Mai's Residence*

Mai was dressed as a slutty princess and had slaved the entire day getting the bedroom set up for her V-day Night w/ Joey Wheeler.

"Now that Joey is back from his month long San Diego trip, he'll be dying to ravish my body and (hears knock on door) right on time!" Mai squealed like a fangirl as she quickly inspected her looks and breath to see that everything was in shape. Satisfied, Mai opened the door… but saw that Joey looked… different. He had long hair, makeup and…. implants.

"OH MAI YOU JUST LOOK SO ABSOLUTELY FAB!" Joey said all flamboyantly as he hugged her.

"Jo….Joe…Joey…..?" Mai kept stuttering.

"Oh fudge…..sorry it looks like you didn't receive my letter…..darn postal service…..anyway hon'….while in San Diego I met some really fabulous people and as it turns out, I decided to be a woman and my new name is Josephine!" The now Josephine declared.

"But-but-but-but-but-but…." Mai said all dumbfounded like Yugi did earlier.

"Mai darling I'm so very, very sorry, if only I had transitioned before we met. Anyway, here have these two tickets to this year's Ricky Martin concert! I'd love to stay and chat but my BF is waiting for me outside, TOODLES!" Josephine waved as he frolicked down the stairs to his bf who happened to be Duke Devlin in a car with the sunroof down. Mai then grabbed a huge bucket, filled it with toilet water, opened a window and dumped it all over the two love birds in their car.

"OH NO DUKE IT'S RAINING POOPY WATER!" Josephine screamed.

"I'LL GET US OUTTA HERE!" Duke replied.

As the dirty car sped off, Mai destroyed everything Joey ever gave her, drank a whole bottle of wine, burned the Ricky Martin tickets before flushing them and cried herself to a drunken sleep.

Needless to say, V-Day sucks when you're single.

A/N: Anyway I know Valentine's day has been over for a while so I decided to use that as the inspiration for this fanfic. Feel free to leave a review. Anyway chapter 2 will explain more and is coming later today!


	2. Heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugi and Mia meet at the bar.

A/N: Hey guys, here's a new chapter! It gets a little dark but still contains a lot of laughs.

Chapter 2: Heroes

The following month was awful for Yugi: Tea picking Yami over him left the poor duelist unable to concentrate on playing card games. Also when Yugi would try to apply for a job, each interviewer would respond with "Card games don't help with your resume son." Yugi couldn't sleep right, eat healthy and started dressing up in all black. Things were so bad his Mother and Grandpa started to take notice.

"Yugi please tell us what's going on?" Yugi's mother asked while putting a Band-Aid on a hickey she got from the Woman's Book Club. (She told Yugi it was a bug bite)

"Yes boy, tell us." Grandpa said as he hid his small black notebook which contained the numbers of the women at the retirement home.

"Tea picked Yami over me so now I'm miserable and suck at life!" Yugi mourned.

"Oh sorry…..is that why you've been losing duels to novices in the shop for a whole month straight?" Yugi's Grandpa asked.

"GRANDPA!" Yugi's Mom yelled as she finished applying her Band-Aid.

"What? I'm just trying to help!" Yugi's Grandpa replied.

"Mom..…(sniff)…the women at your club…you think any of them…..would want to date me and if not them, maybe their daughters my age?" Yugi said while trying to form and hold a desperate smile.

"Oh…uh…sorry honey but my friends and their daughters are already taken, only their sons are single." Yugi's Mom answered.

His hopes dashed, Yugi continued to cry.

"But hey even if you don't find love, you can always be an Irish Bachelor!" Yugi's Mom suggested.

"MOM WE'RE EGYPTIAN, HOW DOES BEING AN IRISH BACHELOR SOLVE MY PROBLEMS?!" Yugi questioned all pissed.

"Dunno, I just felt that it would take your mind off things and…..actually you're right, it is pretty worthless." Yugi's Mom admitted.

"Mom…all I want is to find…" Yugi tried to explain.

"Now Yugi, we've talked about this." Yugi's Mom said.

"But it's not fair." Yugi complained.

"Well Life isn't always fair." Yugi's Mom responded.

"WELL IT DOESN'T SOLVE MY PROBLEMS EITHER!" Yugi roared as he cried again.

"Sugoroku for God's sake can't you see your son needs a woman in his life who isn't (Yugi's Mom glares at his Grandpa) SHUTTING UP NOW!" Said Yugi's Grandpa.

"Yugi, rejection and betrayal hurt, but who's to say others won't do the same to you as well? Look you still need more time to heal both in body and mind. Exercise, helping out around the house, eating a healthy wheat-free diet and even seeing a doctor. And look if things really don't improve in a few more months, maybe we can explore dating, but it has to be with people we know." Yugi's Mom explained.

While he didn't agree, he didn't feel like fighting anymore.

"Guys, I appreciate the help, but I just need some alone time." Yugi said as he was heading for the door.

"Yugi." His Mom and Grandpa called.

Turning around his Mom handed him a Taser to use in case of bullies.

"Thanks." Yugi said as he left the store and walked to a tavern.

*Mai's Place*

Unbeknownst to Yugi, Mai was also feeling like shit: After her fortune telling business went under, she decided to find a job but like Yugi, got rejected since adding "Duelist" to your resume doesn't help you land a job. But unlike Yugi, Mai kept getting requests from former acquaintances/ex's which mainly involved unwanted dick pics she would delete and block. To make matters worse, she was orphaned and when she hired a private investigator to locate her parents, it turns out that her folks died because they both took part in The Tide Pod Challenge. Mai needed a drink so she wore a skirt, long sleeve shirt, along with a jacket, then walked to a nearby Tavern and while she had a few rubbers, she forgot her pepper spray.

*Tavern*

In this universe, the drinking age is 18. Despite his short stature, Yugi was 18 years old but without Yami, getting a new girl would be hard. Grabbing a phone book, he placed it on his stool, sat on it and asked the bartender for a drink, who happened to be Tristan Taylor.

"Hey Yugi how's it hanging?" Tristan asked concerned.

(Sigh) "Still no girl." Yugi said as he requested a PBR.

Tristan replied with: "That sucks, still can't believe what Yami…. sorry I shouldn't have brought that up."

"It's okay Tristen." Yugi replied as he pounded his PBR. "Another please." Yugi requested.

As Yugi was having a few beers, Mai walked into the Tavern and to her surprise, almost everyone was eyeing her but these guys were just ex flames. She was thinking about leaving when she saw a familiar face at the bar, it was Yugi! But something was wrong with him she thought: "Why is Yugi sulking at a bar by himself? He's not the kind of person to do that unless…..he needs help. He's helped me out in the past, maybe I could help him back." While avoiding the glances of the other patrons, Mai sat next to Yugi and ordered a Miller High Life.

The request got Yugi's attention as he had 3-4 PBRS.

"M…..Mai?" Yugi said as he made eye contact with her.

"Hey Yug'! Hey Tristan!" Mai said as she downed her Miller.

Yugi couldn't help but stare as the blonde closed her eyes and downed the drink, it was almost like she was blowing him, as he was thinking to himself. (Or so he thought)

"Blowing whom?" Mai asked w/ a smile as she opened her eyes and looked at Yugi.

Realizing he was thinking out loud, Yugi tried to explain.

"OH GOD…UH….UH…..I MEAN…(sign) sorry." Yugi apologized.

"Yugi its okay….we're both adults." Mai said with a laugh.

"Yeah." Yugi also said with a chuckle.

The two friends then shared several more drinks together. Stories, jokes and even good memories were shared between the two old friends. After downing an Old Style, Yugi then explained his situation to Mai and to his surprise, she went through the same, shitty V-Day as he did.

"Wow….dumping the toilet water on them was amazing!" Yugi laughed.

"Yeah, and you cussing out Tea and Yami, never knew you mastered Sailor Talk." Mai cooed seductively.

"Well like you said: We're both adults." Steven replied with a tipsy smile.

Yugi and Mai then stared at each other while smiling.

As the two duelists looked into each other's eyes, some asshole named Jean-Claude Magnum barged into the Tavern and zeroed in on Mai.

"J-J-J-J-JEAN?!" Mai said all shocked.

Jean-Claude Magnum replied with: "MAI! BABY! LOOK I KNOW WE'VE HAD OUR ISSUES IN THE PAST BUT LOOK I'VE CHANGED AND AM NOW A BIG HOLLYWOOD ACTOR! WHADDYA SAY WE GO GET HITCHED IN VEGAS AND…..?"

"SHOVE IT ALL UP YOUR ASS JEAN! I ALREADY HAVE A MAN!" Mai replied as she grabbed Yugi and made out with him.

Shocked and humiliated, Jean went to the other side of the bar, ordered and downed a Martini.

Upon paying for their drinks, Yugi and Mai left the bar tipsy then sat on a bench outside.

*Outside*

"That was awesome!" Yugi said happily.

"Yup and Yugi….?" Mai snickered.

"Yeah Mai?" Yugi asked while smiling.

"Do I make you hard?" She asked with another snicker.

"All the time!" Said a confident Yugi.

Just then Mai was all "Aww so cute, hot and super sexy…." but then felt her forehead and showed a sign of pain.

"Babe are you okay?" Yugi asked concerned.

"Yeah it's just that….I'm sorry but my head is hurting and I've had too much to drink, can we continue again this week?" Mai asked while trying to hid the fact that she was disappointed in herself.

"Mai, it's alright." Yugi said like a gentleman.

"Thanks Yugi!" Mai replied as she gave him another kiss.

When the kiss was done, Yugi got up and said: "Hey….Mai….I'm gonna order us a….."

Just then an enraged, drunken Jean-Claude Magnum came out of nowhere, ran towards Yugi, turned him around and kneed him in the gut very hard.

"YUGI!" Mai shrieked as she got up and started hitting Magnum's sides.

As Yugi sank to his knees, he saw Magnum grab Mai's hair, punch her in the gut and drag her into a nearby alley way.

Using his remaining strength, Yugi pulled out his Taser and turned it on.

*Alley*

"Please…. Jean…...DON'T…don't do this to me!...It's…." Mai begged teary-eyed.

"SHUT IT!" Magnum threatened as he placed his left hand on Mai's lower face while using his right hand to rip her skirt off, fling it to the side and squeeze her ass. "With that little shit Yugi out of the picture, I'm gonna….. (ZAAAAAAAAAAAP! sound effect and bright light between Magnum's legs) AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Magnum cried out as he let go of Mai and fell to the ground in a convulsing fetal position, his hands on his crotch.

As the assailant continued to wail in pain, Mai discovered that Yugi had snuck up behind Magnum and used his stun gun at full power to shock her would-be-rapist's balls and cock.

Seeing Yugi turn the Taser off, Mai then limped to her hero and showered him w/ kisses. Yugi took his jacket off and wrapped it around Mai's waist. As Tristan came out to see what all the noise was about, Yugi asked him to call 9-1-1 while he comforted Mai.

*Game Kame*

"Yugi's been gone for nearly 2 hours!" Yugi's Mom said all concerned as she sat on the couch w/ Yugi's Grandpa.

"He's probably at a movie theatre or something." Yugi's Grandpa theorized.

"You don't think he's watching one of those…..those….." Yugi's Mom couldn't bring herself to finish.

"Don't worry, the current films that are out this week aren't "dirty" ones, I've already checked myself and I'm a bit let down." Yugi's Grandpa reassured.

(Brief, awkward silence)

Then Sugoroku admitted: "I just missed him as he went on his adventures but he's growing up...maybe I should just accept the fact he's not a little baby anymore ...but rather a responsible adult who..."

Just then a news announcement comes up. It shows Magnum being arrested with an ice-pack on his crotch while Mai and Yugi are drinking some huge water bottles. After Yugi gave his Statement, the news reporter continued to address the situation but all Sugoroku could focus on was Yugi being next to such an older, out of his league, drop-dead gorgeous woman missing a skirt. The Reporter signs off, but not before Mai plants a big, sloppy yet romantic kiss on Yugi's mouth in the background and clearly in view as the two lovers close their eyes and nearly fall to the ground as they wrap their arms around each other.

Yugi's Mom stared at the T.V. with her eyes wide-open and no sign of happiness.

"Sugoroku?" Yugi's Grandpa asked as he hid behind the opposite side of the couch, bracing himself for Yugi's Mom's imminent maternal meltdown.

(From outside of the town)

"MY BABYYYYYY!" Screamed Yugi's Mom.

(Back to the house)

(Runs around getting her things together to pick up her son and brutally murder the woman who kissed him) "SHE KISSED HIM, THAT FUCKING HOOKER, SKANK, PROSTITUTE, SLUT, WHORE JUST KISSED MY BEAUTIFUL, INNOCENT, DARLING BABY ON THE MOUTH! SHE COULD CORRUPT HIM, LURE HIM INTO VAN WITH THE PROMISE OF FREE CANDY AND AAAAAAAAAGHGHGH! SHE MIGHT TOUCH HIS "NO-NO" PLACE! I WON'T HAVE IT, I WON'T HAVE FUCKING ANY OF IT! NOT WITH MY SON! I ALREADY LOST A HUSBAND TO LAVENDER TOWN AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I LOSE MY ONLY BABY SON! I'M GONNA GUT, SKIN AND SEASON THAT BITCH FOR SUNDAY DINNER AND FEED HER TO MY BABY! THE DAMAGE MIGHT ALREADY BE DONE THOUGH, I NEVER SHOULD'VE STOPPED WEENING MY BABY, I NEVER SHOULD'VE STOPPED WEENING MY PRECIOUS, PURE, BABY, BOY! (Yugi's Grandpa tries to calm her down) YOU STAY OUT OF THIS OLD MAN, OR I'LL PUT YOU IN AN INTENSIVE CARE UNIT! JUST STAY HERE! (heads to car) DON'T WORRY BABY, MOMMY'S COMING!" Sugoroku yelled as she got in her car, floored it, only to get pulled over by a cop for blowing the speed limit and driving straight through a red light.

Yugi's Grandpa face-palmed.

A/N: This was going to be more intense, but I decided to add more humor at the end. In terms of updates, my Easter weekend is really booked so if I can't upload tomorrow, I will be able to by this upcoming Tuesday at the latest.

Anyway let me know what you guys think in the reviews and thanks for reading!


End file.
